Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
