I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
