thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize