Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
