it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
