Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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