i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize