yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
