If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
