I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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