Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
