420 ftw
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
