I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
