I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
