Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
