Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
