Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
