Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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