The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
