just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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