barbara walters just said penis...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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