Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
