Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
