Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
