I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
