OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
