ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
