I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize