I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
