wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize