onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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