You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize