I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
