I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
