I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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