OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
