I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
