boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
