I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
