I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
