I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
