She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
pop tarts are not kleenex
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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