White coat. Heels.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
