Got a toothbrush?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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