its not stalking. its research.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
