i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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