Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
