Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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