hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
