I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
