Already got asked if we're dating
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
