the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize