whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
