plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I touched a dick in church today
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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