i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
