My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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