Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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